Recently browsing through my local Las Cruces craigslist, I found another small handful of posts worth analyzing. Between craigslist and the Sun News, it’s just nonstop laughs.

Not particularly hilarious, just odd and a little bit stupid.

Another stellar example of the intellectualism in the region. $3 an hour is too much.

Some friend he is. I foresee another craigslist user stocking his freezer with a year’s worth of horse meat. For free.

ANYTHING??!! Define harm.

With a few clicks into Google, I found what I believe to be an accurate specimen sporting these "chula eyebrows." Nice!

And the final entry is followed by a few exchanges of correspondence between myself and the baby people, as I feel a humanitarian duty to keep African scammers as occupied as possible. Unfortunately, I came down with some invasive crotch-rot and lost interest in the scam.

UPDATE: Received a spam comment on this post that complements the following spam exchange so beautifully I decided to publish it. See first comment at end of post. Puppies from Cameroon!

Me: (as Angela Wallenbrock MD, my professional spambaiter code name)

Hello,

I am looking to adopt a cute baby and I was excited to see your ad on craigslist. I would like to know how old the baby is, its skin color, and the educational background of the birth parents. It is my life calling to be a mother and I cannot have children of my own due to damage of my reproductive system from prescribed medications. I am healthy and smart, and I will pay cash for the baby if we can make the trade privately here in Las Cruces. How much are you asking for the baby?

Thank you
Angela

Spammer: (as Shey Henrietta)

hello i am very happy to meet u due to my ad.also i am very sorry for what happen with ur wom .i am also a mother of this cute baby.due to some smaller problem for me to care for him.like basic need feeding money since we came from poor background,i decided to keep the baby in the parish to one bishop call archbishopjhon.right now the parish need some money for me which they can buy some little iterms for him.i make up my mind me and my husband to see the bishop to adopt the child to any one who can take a good care of him.please if u need him i beg u in Gods name to take good care of him.as for the child age he is 10month old and he is fair in complexion.he normaly attended his school in the parish.please we do not need alot from u.i and the bishop decided that u are going to pay the money to the parish call st joseph parish.the bishop want u to give only 1000dollar for the child.u can reply him by archbishopjhon@yahoo.com.bye may God guard u .

Me:

Hello,

I am trying to reach the bishop of St Joseph parish to see if you still have a 10 month old baby to sell for $1,000. This is a bargain price and I feel indebted to you for sharing the blessing of motherhood. I am a Christian woman and I want to help your church by giving your baby a chance at happiness and success. I am a medical doctor who works with disturbed, abandoned teenagers so I have many years of experience with children. I live with my life partner, Pat, on a large ranch home in southern New Mexico. We have three rabbits and a large vegetable garden, so you can be assured that your baby will have a nice place to live. Where is your parish located and when can we meet?

Thank you and god bless you always
Angela Wallenbrock

Spammer: (as Archbishop Jhon)

hi i see it very much that u are a christain woman.please i now that u want to help the parish by adopting this baby.also i knew just the way u act shows that u are a good woman and children care taker.i now that all this is from the almighty God.as from the ST joseph parish is located at TALY VATICAN.please i do not now how we are going to do because all the bishops in italy have to go in a one month seminal in cameroun and i am living with my secratary.i really need a contact for u which i can get in touch with u.thanks may almighty God bless u and protect u through all your life. please do not forget given me the number cuz all the group in church really need to get your contact.
may God guard u bye. not for getting we have already going on with the birth certificate.

Me:

Dearest Sir,

I apologize for not responding sooner – I was away in San Francisco for the weekend to appear in a parade with my life partner, Pat, where we proudly participated in a mass marriage for many people who love each other. We are overjoyed that the United States is finally permitting legal homosexual unions. I have not told Pat about our new baby. Now when you say TALY VATICAN I assume you refer the the holy Vatican City in Italy. This is wonderful because I have very close ties to a boy’s choir group from Vatican City, to whom I donate US$5,000 per month so they can tour the world to perform their beautiful music. I have a place to crash when I go to Vatican City, where I can stay with the baby until it is time to return to the United States. Please tell me, has the baby been personally blessed by the Pope? I hope so! Will I be able to see a picture of the baby before I travel? It is important that the baby has a light skin color.

Angela

Archbishop Jhon:

i was very angry with u for not responding.i hope the weekend was a wonderful one.i am very sad of the legal homosexual in UNITED STATE.we should learn to respect God teaching when it come to morality.please madam , i want u to know that the ST JOSEPH PARISH in Italy had many branches in AFRICA and in the world at large.so right now we are having our last seminal in west africa which aim at regulating the lives of some displacement children and also to rebuild a strong orphanage in most of the west africa countries.so madam after the seminal we came up with a strong resolution,that is, it was agreed that for any volunteer member in the world who which to obtain a child most first seek the ST. JOSEPH PARISH in CAMEROON. the reason being so is because we want to reconstruct the st. joseph parish orphanage in CAMEROON while we want u to pay the money in st joseph orphanage CAMEROON is b/c the child u ought to adopt is from the parish . madam pay the money many volunteer member around the world have started receiving their children for adoption.as for the child u want to adopt is already with us in Italy.so the parish have seized this advantage to support the volunteer by paying for their flight.so for you to obtain the child u have to pay directly to the child parish which is one of the ST JOSEPH PARISH branch in africa.remember that the pope came last sunday and blessed them in the parish.the picture u demanded for,is available.which u can see that the child is from ST JOSEPH PARISH CAMEROON.here is their adress.;stjosephparishcameroon@yahoo.com.so u will pay the money to the secretary of that parish which is going to confirm the payement to us before we can delivered the child to u. bye may GOD BLE

Archbishop Jhon:

DEAR ANGELA,
i am very sorry for not sending the picture with the mail.i forgot it.rigth now it is available.we have only this one for u now .

And here’s the baby! Incredibly, the image of my future baby is linked to someone’s angelfire.com website selling homemade baby blankets.

Awwww! Isn’t it cute! Only $1,000!

Me:

Dear Sir,

I nearly burst into crocodile tears after reading that you were very angry with me. Please do understand that I am a busy woman, a psychiatric doctor who helps young people accept their god-given sexual orientation and come out of the closet. My work is very specialized and I am called all around the United States to help spread the pride. It is my workaholism that led me to require daily prescription medications, which ultimately destroyed my womb, so I cannot have children. But now I have been able to save enough money to really consider adopting my own little angel. So far I have saved US$20,000 because I thought the expense would be quite high, but your asking price of only US$1,000 is a bargain, so I will probably just party with the leftover money. Be assured that this precious baby will have a wonderful life in a white, upper class home filled with love and rainbows. I wonder if she will call my partner, Pat, "daddy"?? I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!1

I understand that my future baby is hiding out in ITALY VATICAN CITY, but I am to pay ST. JOSEPH PARISH in CAMEROON to buy this cute baby for US$1,000. I am so disappointed there is no picture of the cute baby. Wait, I see another email here from you. Hold on.

Blessings,
Angela

And me again:

Dear Sir,

I see the baby! It is cute, you are right! Is this really the baby I am able to adopt? The skin color looks perfect. Do you require a photograph of me and my partner? If so, I will be able to send one tomorrow after my rash clears up (I think I have caught a mild case of the Tecate pokestinger fever – it is very common here in the Chihuahuan deserts of Mexico).

I WANT THIS BABY!! What is my next step and where can I go visit the baby before I give you the cash?

Itchingly yours,
Angela

And again: (I was bored that day)

Dear Sir and baby,

In my excitement over seeing the picture of my future baby, I have forgotten to tell you that I have been to CAMEROON! I traveled there in 2005 with my Rainbow Pride group to help young girls who are victims of breast ironing. I think that is a sad thing because if a young girl is made ashamed of her breasts then perhaps she will try to become a boy – then she is accused of being gay. Are you also fighting against breast ironing?

I am curious to ask if you speak pidgin Camfranglais – I picked up many new words during my stay there and I would love to be able to speak it again. Here in the southern United States we speak Spanglish – are you familiar with that? The baby will probably grow up speaking Spanglish, but perhaps we can travel to Cameroon and Italy to hear different tongues. I have stayed before at the Akwa Palace Hotel in Douala CAMEROON, are you familiar with it?

Jesus and I thank you so much for this chance at motherhood. I breathlessly await your reply. What time zone are you in???

True Love,
Angela

Archbishop Jhon:

Dear
madam i am very excited about u being in Cameroon for breast ironing.madam also i will be very happy to get you and your partner photo.madam i want to make u know in your mind that we are out to make the children live a good life since they are orphan.that is while we do not want our volunteer to whom did not have children to afford of getting their happiness.madam a meeting was held yesterday in ST JOSEPH PARISH CAMEROON.which they came out by asking u questions.the chairman asked that.are going to take good care of the child,do u take alcoholic stuff ,do u smock, are u at well of the child, do your husband know what is going own if only there is one.if all this are ok then they are free to received your money if not they will not collects any money from u.madam your will reply by answering the question to the ST JOSEPH PARISH CAMEROON for confirmation.get their email address stjosephparishcameroon@yahoo.com after your answer, then u tell me by email me if it negative nor positive.if it is positive then i will need your full name in order,street address,place of birth,child desire name from your likeness in order and finally your phone number.then i the bishop will then start the adoption documents.then i will give the the cameroon parish zip code and the chairman of the ST JOSEPH PARISH CAMEROON which is a REV.for u to send the money to him for their construction .madam as soon u deliver the money and the require names we ask u,it will not take me about 3days to complete the child documents, so that we try all possible mines to send the child to u or u your self came an collect the child.forget of the flight the parish will do so on your behave. all is left to u. thanks archbishopjhon may God guard u .

My final reply: (I was simply out of material at this point)

This is an automatic reply from ANGELA WALLENBROCK MD. Your message has been received and will be answered ASAFP.

Hello my friends and business associates,

Yesterday, 29-May-2008, I was forced to check into a local hospital due to an itchy rash spreading all over my body. It began on my legs and pelvic region, and quickly spread to my arms and face. The rash has become so irritating that my eyes have swelled up and I cannot see clearly. I am currently in hospital where I am being treated with a perpetual dip into a bathtub filled with rosewater, vinegar, and vodka. The doctors expect my full recovery within two days.

ATTN: Senor Serge de Oaxaca: No comience por favor el desfile del orgullo sin mí. Tengo las banderas del arco iris y las etiquetas rosadas del triángulo que usted pidió.

ATTN: Pat: I love you, lady. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the rash. I was embarrassed. You should get checked by a doctor just in case.

ATTN: Archbishop Jhon Agwa: Please do not forget about our business deal regarding the baby in CAMEROON. I will be able to send you a photo as soon as my rash clears up. I have begun preparing the legal documents you requested. This is my highest priority, second only to my skin condition. I will have the information to you soon.

Hugs and kisses,
Angela

Final words from the spammers:

DEAR
madam we are very sorry for your illness.i will personally pray for u all the time for u to get better.u know with God all things are possible.so please do not loose hope, for i know it is a minor illness.i as the archbishop will not give up all we need is to pray for your recovery .i just wish to inform that the st joseph parish cameroon shall started executing her project very soon so please we pray u should get better and meet up with time. may God protect u. your faithfully archbishopjhon